This is a long catalogue of nuanced traits and patterns where many to most of the boxes must be checked off consistently, and the traits all manifest in a consistent repeating pattern... NOT A ONE OFF INCIDENT. There are a lot of different ways out there to describe this behavior phenomenon. The most common and basic I personally see is as follows:
Dr. Craig Malkin, Ph. D is famous for his study of maladaptive, antagonistic, abusive personality styles and he coined "the three E's:"
1-ENTITLEMENT 2- EXTORTION 3-EMPATHY IMPAIRMENT
When you see ALL THREE together in a person consistently, that's a big problem. Remember the three E's for work, friends, family, religion, spirituality, and remember them for our own self-reflection and self-awareness!
Entitlement - those behaviors that say: I or MY organization deserve special treatment. I can do this, but no one else can. WE are deserving of special treatment. I have a right to... whatever. WE are the ONLY ones with the DIVINE connection, the truth, the money, the whatever. Entitlement views human value on a horizontal (up and down) line. This person views everything vertical like a ladder, with theirselves at the top. Everything is a pissing contest, everything a flex, everything some delusional power play about where each person or thing is at on the ladder of power. This contrasts a healthy world view of INTERNAL worth and value being -equal-. People distort and warp this concept by externalizing it in order to devalue the concept of equal internal value.
Extortion- check output against the input a person expects from others. Extortion is treating humans OR spirits like work horses and disposable -things-. If the purpose or role is not being fulfilled, exactly as wished which is often unrealistic, the thing (person or Spirit) is discarded or punished. Punishment can look like anger, yelling, silence, vindictive passive aggressive behavior or similar.
Empathy Impairment - The lack of care for other people once so ever. It also manifests as lack of care for a Spirits individual preferences. Pay attention to the multi-faceted -whole- personality of a Spirit, and pay attention if it looks like someone is trying to distort a Spirits preferences or distort a spiritual concept to be something the person wants, by disregarding the Whole to focus on the small part.
A predator may hurt you, may bite a chunk out of you, but does not hijack your mind or turn your sense of Self into an infantilized empty shell. There are predatory personality types who are very aggressive, often scary, like lions, a human that blows through life like a force of nature, but if you gain their trust and respect, they will accept you and empower you. They will help your authentic inner voice become stronger and more confident. This personality type is assertive, direct, and may come across as aggressive, but they have a strong sense of fairness and often use their assertiveness to empower others. I like to call them "constructive aggressors," often mistaken for bullys or other abusive types due to their blunt nature. Parasitic predators distort this in turn, by attributing bad behavior to "bluntness" and "just trying to help." If you know what to look for, you will see the difference easily. Parasitic people and Spirits are masters of mimicry, disgusing theirself to look like the prey in order to hunt the prey better.
Behaviors to distinguish constructive aggressors from destructive aggressors (parasitic):
Both cut others down, both are assertive in calling out problems and criticisms, both will insult and be mean as hell or hurt you, but-
#1- A parasitic style will NEVER pair "cut-downs" with a "build ups" / solutions. Will not pair a problem with a solution or a criticism with anything positive. It's always about the "no," the destruction, the put-down, the short-comings, the problems, criticism, the flex, and never the constructive, the compliment, or the solution. It is almost as if these people are pained to ever say anything complimentary about another, or move to resolve a problem. They only know how to create a problem and then stare down their nose with heels planted, or give the problem to others and leave.
If a solution is provided - it will be something like, "Next time ask instead of thinking for yourself" or something belittling, something that ties your hands behind your back, makes you beneath or dependant on them, or pushes their ideology or opinion without question, elevates them on the imaginary power ladder, or overall silences your voice. A constructive aggressor will not always but at least every so often, in the same breath pair an empowering solution, insightful explanation, reassurance of worth, or "build-up" that allows the person to see their value is still there, see the "why," and think for their self in a new way from that point on with verifiable repeatable results. The build up, affirmation or empowerment statements will have a reassurance to it even if it's "That was the most dumb-fuck thing ever and {I still love you} {all ya gotta do is...} {you missed x, y, z}." A destructive person will just stop at "dumb-fuck thing ever" and stare quietly with a frown, or may straight say "you're a dumb fuck" and be serious and stop there, or may focus on vague questions that reinforce self-doubt like, "Who told you that you could do that?" When they know damn well you were thinking for yourself, which implies you should not do that! This line is a primary line that should tell you to burn that bridge with them standing on it. It really pushes the self-doubt and destructive shame. They will beat that dead horse, write paperwork on it, and never let you forget it. In essence, growth, learning, or empowerment is not a priority, projecting self-doubt and destructive shame onto others is the priority. Infantilizing everyone around the parasite is the priority.
The push gives them a hit of false empowerment elation. Subjugation and -control- are top priority for parasitic personality styles.
This is an important distinction. A constructive aggressor reassures the person at some point somehow that they they are not a bad human. When two people know this to their core, this is how you get people who can insult each other and laugh and hug. I have seen people who simply cannot fathom how this can be healthy. Sometimes an individual has an inner problem where they theirself are obsessed with being a bad human. I could look at them and say, "that was bad," and they'll break down. If I ask, "Why are you so upset?" They'd say, "I suck I'm bad at everything." But see that's not what I said. Doing an external thing badly should not make a person feel like their inner self is bad. I said that thing over there was done bad, not that you are bad. That is a sign of someone who has suffered these abusive personalities.
Parasitic personalities challenge, bewilder, confuse, and break down a persons confidence, sense of Self, and inner voice - then try to fill that person with their own self; make a little mini-me. They aggressively cut the person down and push their poison in.
Do not weaponize these traits to attack someone on a whim or a one-off incident. That is why other terms lost their meanings.
#2 - Negative Gossip. If someone always only blows shit on others and never says anything positive about others, that is a huge red flag. Putting others down to make ourselves feel superior creates a sort of dopamine rush and elation. This is how good people get sucked into this pattern; this poisonous high. Notice how a red flag person responds when you say something positive about someone. Can they stand it? Do they knee jerk with "no!" or scowl. Do they have to pair it with a criticism? Does it become a competition? Every time?
#3 Broken Barrier between External and Internal
You will see this in many ways. You make a mistake at work - No solution or training - You are made to feel YOU are the mistake. Do a stupid moment? You are the stupid. Do a great thing. You are great!! Your inner value is completely externalized.
This will be exceptionally true for the antagonistic person too. They will avoid accountability, blame, or ownership for a mistake with the passion of a wild animal backed into a corner. They have no tolerance for feeling like the bad thing, so they shift blame and never take accountability for anything bad they do... Deep in their bones if they make a mistake they feel their extistence is a mistake. They are insecure and fragile at the core, like their inner Self is a mosquito, with a high sensitivity to shame. So, they push the same poor internal object/external object broken barriers onto others too. If you are around this behavior long enough it will affect even the healthiest person. The barriers will get infected, and they will start to crumble. A virus or parasite has a similar effect on healthy cell walls before they are breached and the cell is taken over.
Psychological and spiritual barriers between the internal sense of self and the external world in psychology are called "ego barriers." These are what make our inner Self seperate from our external environment. When we find something gross in the refrigerator, we should not feel to our core that we are profoundly gross because we forgot it there. It happens. It's an "EW!" toss it, clean it, and move on. This is not what happens when ego barriers are destroyed over time. Then it's, "I forgot that food was there. It's gross. I'm gross. I don't want to be gross, so I'll blame it on something or someone else." It makes matters worse when there's another human in the living space who finds the old food hidden and forgotten in the back of the fridge, pulls it out, holds it up in the air, looks down their nose at you and says, "You nasty bitch!" As if you are the rotten food. And then treats you like you suck at life and you're gross.
#4 So since they also suffer the lack of ego barriers they... follow the DARVO formula:
Deny- I didn't say that, do that, or do anything at all, ever. Never.
Attack- "but what about you doing x, y, z?!" Often they will just mirror back the accusation. "No you're doing that/did that!" Even if it makes no sense.
Reverse
Victim
Offender
That is the DARVO acronym first introduced by a psychologist named Jennifer J. Freyd in the 1990s. "Freyd worked to build an understanding of how and why those accused of abuse respond to these accusations." (https://www.choosingtherapy.com/darvo/ )
And it's deep, as explained, which means it is consistent, every single time. Always look for genuine ownership of a problem and a focus on resolution... not a tit for tat, not a competition, not a blame game or power play or scorecard game.
#5. Problems everywhere-No solutions
This might be redundant but can't be understated. Parasitic spirits and personalities are problem creators, not problem solvers. The favorite word is "no," but they cannot handle anyone else saying "no." Very high conflict and disagreeable. Very entitled double standards.
#6 Punishment and Vindication Obsession-
because everything is a vertical power structure; they're at the top, or always feel they need to fight for the top, and everyone else is below... This is why compromise and resolution are seemingly impossible. Everything dissolves into a power play. A person who has a vertical power view of the world will never mesh with those who have a horizontal equality view. When you engage, it's a merry-go-round at a carnival in a horror movie, on acid, of logical fallacies and stylized lying to create doubt and confusion. It's all about the rungs on the ladder, at all costs.
These are my main behaviors which separate a constructive aggressor from a parasitic personality style. If you can think of other characteristics which distinguish, please leave it in the comments.
In summary my two mains are:
Bob the Builder is dead- Only Conan Crackhead Destroyer remains
Obsession with negativity on others with aversion to positive on others.
Externalized value, validation, or worth. Blurred lines between internal and external.
The rest of the traits that make up parasitic archetype are:
1- A fixation with fantasies of infinite success, control, brilliance, beauty, or idyllic (unrealistic exaggerated) love.
2- A grandiose sense of self-importance
3- Credence that he or she is extraordinary and can only be understood by, or should connect with, other extraordinary or important people or institutions.
4- A desire for unwarranted admiration
5- Entitlement
6- Interpersonally oppressive (aka bully) behavior
7- No form of empathy
8- Resentment of others or a conviction that others are resentful of him or her
9- Arrogance - often - very often
If you are not already aware, those are traits for Narcissistic Personality Disorder from DSM-5 301.81 (F60.81)
I am not a doctor and neither are most of you. We need to avoid the urge to psychoanalyze people and instead keep these pretentious words close to our chest where they belong, to pay attention and protect ourselves, and focus on the ENTIRE SET of traits. Speak on the individual behaviors. The word narcissist has become a joke, so instead of using that word, please understand and speak on the individual behaviors. Narcissist is not a blanket term for anyone that shines their ass a little.
If you are concerned that you are the victim of these traits and suffering narcissistic abuse please seek out a qualified mental health professional who is very familiar with this personality type and the abuse from it. I will avoid that word from here on out since the masses and social media have rendered it meaningless.
Additionally there are OTHER PATTERNS- across every culture, because they all do the same shit- when you first meet this entity - watch for these patterns:
DARK DISNEY PHASE- They weaponize the romantic Disney stories we grow up loving as children. It sounds ALMOST as evil as it is when I word it that way eh?! Right in the fucking childhood with the poison blade.
YOU HAVE NEVER MET SOMEONE SO CHARMING WITH SO MANY THINGS IN COMMON WITH YOU IN YOUR LIFE!
They want to know all about YOU! Whatever you say, they mirror and know a little about that, love that too, etc. They attach to you emotionally through your likes and interests, then gain entry into your mind via creating an artificial "shared fantasy", just like the virus does with the cell walls. It's a different mode of entry, like a hole. The ego barrier walls get tore down from the inside. This is a starting point.... Your childhood love fantasy.
Please do not overshare your unique quirks and hobbies with new people. Make sure it is a two way street and the commonalities are indeed TRUE commonalities. Parasitic infection corrupts everything. The person functions on pure corrupted delusion and fantasy. They appeal to your vanity, put you on a pedestal, peddle childhood fantasies, wants, needs, and desires to hook you in.
You are put on a pedestal... Your weaknesses ignored completely and your strengths spotlighted. This is projecting their fantasy they create of idealized love, because they never had realistic grounded healthy love models. It is not sustainable because it is not realistic to be 1000%, yet we are all susceptible of being sucked in because it feels so fucking amazing... Too good to be true... like a cocaine high and your favorite drink after walking a desert for years. This is commonly referred to by the masses as "Love Bombing," but again the term has lost it's meaning due to the masses throwing it around to mean whatever the fuck they want it to mean any time they are remotely kerfluffled by a subpar date night. I prefer the way some other professionals refer to this as the "Idealization Phase." This is also a form of causing emotional disregulation in the target by playing on their vanity and fantasies.
You are Devalued... The underhanded insults begin... Right when you just got comfortable! You are bewildered because you were just a goddess or god for however long. How did this happen? The mind games begin. Your confidence in your reality gets shaky, cause of the lying, or your memory comes into question. Nothing is ever good enough. YOU are not good enough. You stay hooked cause theres a good behavior day, once or twice a week.
And Discarded- this is the inner child attempting to become their own individual by breaking away from the childhood fantasy they created... push away and be their own person.
It cycles like a machine. Workplaces are obvious sometimes. When an employer goes through employees like toilet paper, ya know just maybe - the employees are not the problem.
The boss brings in new people with promises, adulation, says they're a fammiillly, is super cool... and then the death by a thousand cuts begins. And if you look at their track record, it is always the same cycle and has nothing to do with you. The damage sure can make it feel like it was you and your fault though! Oh they will hold theirself in delusional high regard however. "This is the best office, the best county, the best store and a very competitive position with high expectations," or some pompous bullshit along those lines.
Open your eyes and when you see these behaviors, slow down and pay attention, before it gets in too deep.
